OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
