There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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