I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
