so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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