Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
