Duck Duck Cougar?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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