yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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