drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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