Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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