your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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