I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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