I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
