She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
