Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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