I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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