Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
How naked do you want me to be?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
