At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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