he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
