oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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