If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
