tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
