sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
