Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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