we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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