Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
