I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
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I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
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He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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