I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
