You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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