i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
