Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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