I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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