I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize