Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
