Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
