thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
