Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
