new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
