he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
