went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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