Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
