Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
