she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
