Dude my mom stole all your condoms
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
