I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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