My boss' voice literally gives me gas
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
