he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
