apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
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This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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