you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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