I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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