I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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