why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize