Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
