Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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