I wish I could teleport
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
