i may or may not be watching the land before time
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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