Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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