Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
