I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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