What a fucking waste of an outfit
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
