oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We had sex on a dog bed..
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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