Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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