so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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