I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
