It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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