Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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