While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
