I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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