I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
