Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
